In May of 2022 I did a little thing called “SHMap-a-Day” where I created a new map each day for one week. On Day Five, I put together “The Guide to Running While Female” map. I thought it was a funny and obvious map of my experience as a woman runner. The thing that shocked me the most was how shocking it ended up being…to men.
When I’m out running, I want to explore. The Guide to Running While Female in Central Phoenix outlines many of the routes I’ve run near my home. I’ve picked these routes over time after regularly trying different ones. When I think about where I’m going to run or what direction I’m going to start off in, I think about a number of things, including:
- How hot is it (after all, it’s Phoenix)
- How sunny is it/are there trees?
- Is it a weekday or weekend
- Will the sun be setting soon (or is the sun up yet)
Running Clothes Decisions
For items one and two, I think about whether I’m wearing shorts or pants, sunscreen or a long-sleeve shirt and mainly: can I get away with just running in a sports bra or do I need to put a shirt over it. What I mean by “need to” put a shirt over it is: do I want to deal with the potential for men to disrupt my running by:
- Yelling/whistling/honking at me
- Slowing down when passing me
- Looking me up and down and/or talking to me/giving me running advice/asking me dumb questions at a traffic light
- Following me
- Attacking me
- Killing me
I marked areas on the map with an icon showing a sports bra with a line through it. In the map’s key, it’s designated as “maybe wear a shirt over your sports bra.” When I’ve shown this map to men, they usually laugh and then say something like “no, seriously?” Then I explain how I’ve been out running, wearing a baggy shirt with no catcalls at all. Then when it gets too hot, I take it off and almost immediately start getting honks, whistles, yells, etc.
Alert: honking at someone is startling and jarring and it might make you pee your pants.
I think about all of these things now—probably too much—because as a young woman runner, I had many scary run-ins with men. I deduced that showing more skin resulted in more run-ins like being followed. Since it was always men perpetrating these interactions, I assumed that all men knew that this happened or were themselves the perpetrators. I knew men used their behavior as a weapon. What I didn’t think about was how little men pay attention to how their behavior is affecting those they inflict it upon.
Never Run Alone
When I was a teenager, my mother didn’t want me running alone, especially at night. She wanted me to carry a flashlight, which I refused. She always seemed a little terrified and disappointed when I walked out the door. But I was young and didn’t understand.
As I got older, I would meet other women runners who told me they’d never run alone. Never run alone? How could I possibly coordinate running with another person? The idea of joining a running group was equally mortifying for social anxiety reasons.
If I Can’t Run Alone, I Don’t Want to Run
Besides, the best part about running was that you could just throw on some shoes and run out the door, no equipment or planning necessary. I wasn’t even friends with other women runners. My friends were usually hung over or smoking or high. They would say things like “I only run if chased.” They were probably among the people who’d yell things at me like “WHAT ARE YOU RUNNING FROM?”
It’s not that I didn’t know there were creeps out there. I was being sexually harassed by grown men on an almost daily basis at my high school catering job. Since I had to walk everywhere, I frequently had men pulling over to ask if I wanted a ride (I didn’t). I’ve had adult men say disgusting things to me while I worked at the mall, rode the bus, went to the drug store and walked down the street, minding my own damn business.
But running was about being alone with just me and my thoughts. It was an escape from my chaotic household and a way to feel strong and capable. If I was going to be a runner, it was just going to be me out there. So, I learned to develop plenty of tactics to stay safe “enough.”
On Guard
I recently watched a video on Instagram where Jameela Jamil suggested that the reason a woman’s hormone and stress levels were so high was because we are reminded to constantly be on our guard. She listed the many methods by which we are ever vigilant. I think about how amazing it would be to walk out the door without thinking about how I might be harassed, attacked or killed. But I do think about it because I live in a world with many unhinged men. I also think about what it would be like to walk out the door as a man, especially a straight, white man, where I would sense no potential threat or reaction to my appearance, dress or mere presence as a man.
Defense Mechanisms
As a solo, woman runner, I’ve evolved to no longer wear headphones or earbuds. Partially, this is due to terrible drivers who don’t understand the rights of pedestrians or who casually drive in a bike lane. But mostly, it’s so I can hear if someone is approaching me. My hearing is tuned in to the sound of rhythmic footsteps that suddenly appear. If I notice someone early enough, I might have a chance to get a head start. Unfortunately, this means I’m apprehensive about nearly every person I approach or who approaches me. So, I make direct eye contact with everyone. If this guy is going to attack me, I want him to know that I see him. I assume it’s because many men don’t like being ignored.
The remaining list of defenses could go on and on. In a quiet, unpopulated area, I cross the street if I see a man approaching me. I almost never run in the dark. But if I do in a residential neighborhood, I run in the middle of the street, away from trees, alleys and bushes. Also, if it’s dark, I stick to main roads despite my craving for peace and quiet. I don’t run down alleyways, ever. I always look for an exit point. In my Running While Female Map, there’s a note (see above) about thinking to jump into the canal if someone attacks me from the side. As apparently crazy at it might sound, I’ve had at least 10 other women tell me that they have thought the same thing. When I was younger, living in a small town, I’d keep track of every car that passed me to notice if they passed me again (this saved me once). I turn around if someone on a bike starts following next to me. I follow my instincts and listen to my so-called paranoid notions.
Waking Up
To the men who have been shocked, surprised or humored by my map, now is the time to wake up. It’s not just sad and something for you to shake your head about. It’s a reality that every single woman on this planet lives with every day. I have the privilege of knowing plenty of decent men who never even consider behavior like the kind me and all other women are silently defending ourselves against. But it’s time to wake up and see how this is happening all around you, at every moment. We don’t need you to be our saviors by rushing to our side and accompanying us, teaching us self-defense techniques and buying us mace on our birthdays. I DON’T WANT A CHAPERONE.
We need you to see this happening and all the subtle ways it occurs, to hold those men accountable, without expecting you to be the hero. As uncomfortable as this makes us all feel, women need not to be laughed at when we voice our elaborate self-preservation tactics. Conversely, we’re not stupid or naïve because we decided to go out on a trail run by ourselves and then were attacked by someone. It’s the perpetrator’s fault. And it’s society’s fault for forever putting the responsibility on women to defend themselves from the accepted notion that men will just forever do this. We have normalized it and made it acceptable.
My map, in its absurdity, points out that this is not and should not be normal or acceptable. We want to go outside, alone, and feel strong and capable. We just want to run.
2021: Woman Runner Attacked on Canal
2023: Woman Hiker Stabbed 15 Times
